How to Talk to Parents About Future Living Needs

Older Adults face a unique challenge as their children grow into adults with families of their own. How do they use the space in the home? Plans to transform neglected kids’ rooms may be unrealized, eventually waning. As the years go by, the home begins to feel cavernous, overwhelming, and larger than necessary.

While seniors may discover that their forever home feels like too much to manage, they might not be ready to admit this reality and move to a smaller residence. Adult children may recognize the need for parents to downsize but don’t always know how to broach the subject. Guiding parents through downsizing their home is challenging, as the larger home represents family memories, youthful moments, and a lifetime of joy. Here’s how to start a dialogue about downsizing and the benefits of a smaller home for parents entering their Golden Years. 

Lead with Empathy: Emotions of Downsizing Your Home

Understand that emotions may run high. The home is a comfort zone for many, a place of respite, and the backdrop for so many family memories, moments, and happy times. Leaving a place of comfort can often be incredibly difficult and stressful. Moving to a smaller home may be the practical choice, but making that choice isn’t always easy. Adult children need to prepare for a spectrum of emotions; parents may be elated, excited, sad, concerned, skeptical, stressed, or they may be determined to remain where they are.

Is Aging in Place Feasible?

The vast majority (90 percent!) of older adults prefer to age in place at home. While aging in place is the preference for retirement, not all seniors can safely or comfortably remain in their current homes. For aging in place to be a practical and safe option, the home may need to integrate features that allow seniors to remain there safely. This may mean installing grab bars in the bathtub or near the toilet, utilizing emergency medical systems/alerts, and rearranging or better organizing the home to enhance mobility and minimize fall risk.

Every individual has different needs and specifications for safely aging in place. Again, though, not every senior can safely stay in their home. Seniors who have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia may eventually be unable to navigate their homes and may even wander outdoors as the disease progresses. 

Floor plans with stairs or multiple floors may be too dangerous and difficult. Larger homes may require more outside help for upkeep, increasing costs beyond what is affordable. 

When aging in place is not an option, adult children may intervene and help parents understand the benefits of moving to a smaller home, downsizing to an apartment, or considering a move to a retirement community or an assisted living facility.

The Conversation About Downsizing

When is the right time to talk to parents about possibly moving to a smaller home, an apartment, or a senior living facility? Find a comfortable location without distractions, leave young children with a babysitter, and choose a time when no one is hungry or tired. 

Adult children should acknowledge that they do not have - nor want to have - control over their parents. Seniors are independent adults who cannot be forced to move. However, the conversation should focus on expressing concerns about the parent's safety and the maintenance and upkeep of the home. Are your parents having trouble cleaning the home? (Often, seniors can’t actually see the dirt that accumulates). Can a cleaner come in every other week? Are they losing weight due to malnutrition? Check out some of the prepared meal services.   

Ask parents their thoughts about moving to a smaller home. Discuss their concerns about a move. Are finances a concern? Some older adults may worry that they will need to take on the responsibility of another mortgage. Ideally, the proceeds of the current home should cover the costs of a new home. However, this is not always the case. 

Offer to help parents work with a real estate agent. Encourage them to look at smaller homes just to understand potential options. Offer to accompany them on these tours. 

Some seniors may discover they love the idea of a new, smaller home. Touring new construction neighborhoods also provides them with an opportunity to choose the amenities in their home. They may even be able to integrate unique safety features!

Contact Move Elders with Ease for Downsizing Services

The team at Move Elders with Ease are certified senior move managers who support seniors and their families in better organizing a home to “age in place” as well as during the transition to a new home. Our team understands the emotions involved during a move, and we work to make the move and the emotional journey a positive experience. Contact us today to learn more about our services.